Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
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