it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Don't EVER smell your tampon
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Help. Why am I so naked?
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