So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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