maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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