dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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