I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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