I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
