he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
