Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
