no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Drunk is not a location!
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
