Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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