Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Houston, we have a squirter
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
