He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Randomize
