Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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