I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
In the future we'll all be gay
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
