did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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