Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
