How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
