Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
