Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
