I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
