My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
How's work?
Spinning.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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