and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
