Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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