Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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