hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
