Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
