I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
