12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
