There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
