I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Are we still banned from the library?
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
