do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
