So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
