$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Farmville is her only friend.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Randomize
