Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Who died my cat blue again?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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