We named our party play list daddy issues
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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