The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Houston, we have a squirter
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
