I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
