I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize