dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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