Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
