Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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