lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
