i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize