Swine flu. Run for my life!
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
