i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
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