I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
