so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Randomize
