I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
