The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
