I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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