The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
