Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
