Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
