I want to have your abortion
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
