i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
