why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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