I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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