i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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