check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
And then my night got REAL pukey
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