She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize