i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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