I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
