After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize