either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
