We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
