Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
not ubering you a puppy
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
