This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
