bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
