I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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