dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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