Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
