its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
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