So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Go christen that room with your naked body.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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