Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
