I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I need help removing her.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
